Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Business Travel = Glamorous Life, NOT!

I thought I’d take a bit of time a share a day in the life of business travel.  Sometimes we’re fortunate to get an upgrade to first class but other days the plane doesn’t have a first class cabin, you’re number one on the list and the cabin fills up or the partner airline doesn’t extend first class privileges.  Today is one of those days of no upgrade.


Let me set the scene for you.  I’m in Laredo.  It’s hot, and I mean hot – 105 degrees and humid!  We’re wrapping up two days of meetings with about 30 of my colleagues and it is time to head to the airport.  Of course we can’t seem to locate everyone that’s riding in my vehicle (imagine herding cats, in the heat!).  We finally head for the airport about 20 minutes behind schedule but no worries.  We’re all seasoned travelers, have boarding passes on our phones, have TSA Pre-Check privileges and after all, Laredo only has three gates in the airport for goodness sakes.  We should be fine, right?  Oh, the fun begins.


We get inside (anxious to get out of the 105 degree temps) and notice that the cold breeze of air conditioning isn’t in the air.  Furthermore, colleagues that left 20 minutes before us are waiting in the line where you check bags.  What’s going on?  We walk on over and Jim advises that the power is out, all systems are down and we all need to wait in line for a boarding pass.  Okay, I’m a seasoned traveler.  I can roll with this.  We wait in line together chatting it up to pass the time.  There is this one woman who comes up with a large suitcase and walks past us demanding her place back in line (apparently she thinks she can get out of line and get free “comesy backsy” privileges).  Whatever, again, we do this travel thing around 40 weeks a year.  Once this woman gets to the front of the line she drops her stuff and runs out the door.  We all turn and watch… here she comes again with more bags and child carseats (ugh, the dreaded sign of children on the plane, young children). 


I finally get to the front of the line, show my electronic boarding pass and ID to the agent and am told to proceed to security.  Remember, the power is out, it is 105 degrees outside and no air conditioning (apparently they either don’t have a generator or it wasn’t working).  I try not to check my bag when I travel so I’ve got it along with a stuffed laptop bag (all legal, one fits in the overhead and the other under the seat – just a bit heavy).  No electricity means no escalator so up the stairs I go, luggage in tow.  I get to the front of the security line and guess what?  The TSA agent can’t read my electronic boarding pass!  So, back down the stairs I go (again, luggage in hand) and back into the line for the ticket agent (no, I didn’t try to cut and was about tenth in line). By the way, the woman who had the mounds of luggage is still there checking in and it turns out she is not only traveling with children but three of them.  Her grandmother is traveling with her as well but neither seem to have control of the children (all under the age of four I’m guessing).  They are running everywhere and screaming when they are caught.  Great, they are going to be on my plane.  Just a fashion tip, older women who are overly large really don’t pull off overly bedazzeled jeans very well.  Okay, maybe at this point the heat and all is beginning to get to me.


I’m starting to get a bit nervous about the time that has passed but finally get to the front and am given a piece of paper that has clearly been photocopied a thousand times.  My name, the date and flight number are hand written on the paper along with the dreaded words “open seating”.  I haul my luggage back up the steps, get back to that lovely TSA agent and finally get through security, but wait.  I’m on the border so there is Border Security to get though (those are the better looking agents in the green uniforms with the guns and the badges).  The agent asks me where I was born.  It took me a moment but I came up with the correct answer.  So, onto the security screening.  I have TSA pre-check so no big deal right?  Not so fast.  By the way, if you are wondering how they powered the x-ray machine, baggage screening machine and a fan (to keep the TSA agents cool) they had it hooked up to a battery.


I politely ask the screener if I have to remove my shoes, liquids, etc. since I have TSA Pre-Check.  She tells me no as long as I can prove it.  I pull out my electronic boarding pass that shows this but am told that since the TSA agent couldn’t scan it I will have to go through regular scanning.  Really, how else do you want me to “prove” this?  Oh well, breath…  I go through the x-ray and of course a couple of spots show up as questionable (and no, it wasn’t a strand of pearls this time).  I turn around to see where I’m going to be checked (knee and wrist).  I realize the brilliant screener who wouldn’t let me go through as Pre-Check also checks the wrong wrist.  Wow!


Okay, I’ve made it through security.  We find out our plane is running a bit late, so what do you do when you are on your way home and waiting for your plane?  Grab a beer with your friends.  Not so fast, the bar is closed!  After a couple of moments of disbelief we all head over toward our gate.  We start chatting about this “open seating” situation and decide we should go stand in the boarding line in hopes of seats towards the front as we all have connections (and our plane is running late).  The plane arrives but we never see any passengers come through the door.  Then it dawns on us, no power means no jetway.  A gate agent arrives with two sheets of papers listing our names.  Somehow they managed to print this out but it doesn’t look like a normal manifest.  It is in alphabetical order (I’m good at reading upside down) but apparently the gate agent doesn’t excel in alphabetical skills.  I get checked off the list and head through the doors to board the plane.  No power and no jetway means another flight of stairs (with luggage in hand).  Down we go and out into that humid 105 degree temperature.  I drop off my larger bag on the outside cart (plane holds 45 passengers) and board the plane.  My assigned seat is 3C so I head for it.  Fortunately, a co-worker is seated next to me (someone I know, not annoying and can carry on a conversation with if we choose to).  No power means no air conditioning on the plane while we’re on the ground and “open seating” means it takes longer to board the plane.  The flight attendant explained (several times) if a person had an assigned seat and can prove it (with that electronic boarding pass that got me nowhere earlier as an example) then it is their seat.  Finally, we all get a seat (including two people we knew that were flying stand-by).  All is well, right? 


Apparently the lack of power impacts the pre-flight check process.  I don’t know why but I’m certainly hoping that the Traffic Control Tower has a working back-up generator.  All of the sudden the pilot explains to the flight attendant that we have a weight distribution issue (not uncommon on a small commuter plane).  She headed to row four (right behind us) and says that three people between row four and seven have to move to the back of the plane.  The nice quiet couple behind us volunteer along with someone else.  Guess who moved right behind us?  Yep!  Great Grandma, mom and the brood of unruly children. Grandma sat down behind me and proceeded to pull my seat multiple times and put her knees in my back.  But that was nothing compared to the kicks we received from the children (hair pulling too).  Neither could keep the kids in their seats so they ran around the plane.  The flight attendant kept catching them and bringing them back throughout the flight.  Remember, the bar was closed in the airport so at this point we’re waiting for the beverage cart.  Guess what?  No ice!  I opted for a glass of water and leaning forward in my seat in order to avoid the kicks in the back.  At this point my co-worker and I just started laughing.  I work for a German company and the co-worker I’m seated next to happens to be German.  We chat about an article in the paper that shows wheels on a mining machine about three times the height of a normal human.  The flight attendant stops by to ask what language the paper is in and we tell her German.  She seems completely confused how we can read a paper in German and converse in English (I don't read German by the way).


Thankfully it is finally time to land in Dallas.  Since most people on the flight are connecting the flight attendant runs through the list of connecting gates.  You know how it goes, it is always alphabetical (Albany, etc.).  Clearly this girl did not graduate with honors in geography (or at least the pronouncing of cities).  Her challenges included Guadalajara, Lubbock and Tucson, wow! 


We arrived in Dallas a bit late, but fortunately on time to make connections.  Yes, changes in gates occurred and such but that’s stuff we roll with every day.  On my second flight I finally was able to enjoy that well deserved cocktail.  Of course today was one of those days without an upgrade so you can see the spacious and glamorous set-up I have going.  Cheers everyone!
 

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